Before I go on, let me be clear, I don’t care if you are fat, if you love being fat, if fat is the new skinny or if you think FAT is a bad word or mean. I, me, myself is over it. I was once healthy, then less healthy, then average, then fit and healthy… then kablooey… fat. And I have finally come to the conclusion that I’m done with just getting by and hoping I squeeze into my clothes without having to buy new ones at the next larger size! It’s terrible. But anyways, if you are happy with you, then by all means, KEEP ON KEEPIN’ on! This blog may not be for you!

But HELLO, to all you folks who know me and know what a slacker I am. And WELCOME to any new readers that I may have today 🙂

I’m almost 40. I know, it’s not the end of the world. But I think 40 is huge. In 4 years, I’ll be an empty nester. Three teenage boys in my life right now. One just graduated high school and then before you know it the other two will be gone too! But I can’t wait four more years to decide to get my act together. And it’s going to be hard. Teenagers drive you to stress eating and alcoholism! I know you can relate if you have teens now or had them. Just you wait for the rest of you.

Just kidding!

Or am I?

I’m sure all of y’all have sweet perfect angels who make life easy. I got the special ones who want to ensure I have a full head of gray hair before I actually get to 40! Really though, all jokes aside, my boys are awesome, but they are boys and they are teens, so they are far from perfect 🙂

Anyways, moving on. I finally really took a good look in the mirror. Not the I see my face only look but let’s ignore the rest look in the mirror. A good hard look. And I was like holy shit where did my knees go? My legs ate my knees. So that happened and I didn’t get “depressed” per se. I just was in shock. And then a little sad. This is not where I wanted to be 2 months before I turn 40. I wanted to be in the home stretch of meeting whatever home stretch goal I was supposed to have. I wanted to be looking back at my year of success! (insert record scratch here) But nope. That’s not the path I took. I ate and ate and ate. I became estranged from my oldest son because he didn’t like my rules and consequences for some poor decisions he made and he moved out. I ate more and drank and ate more. I put on a happy face and resumed parenting of my other two kids. Well my second oldest decided he liked sneaking out of the house to see his girlfriend across the street. So I got a super duper alarm system but I still stopped sleeping and started pacing, always checking on the kids like they were infants again. But this time not to see if they were breathing but to make sure they were physically in their beds! Ridiculous, right? But it’s life, my life. And I ate, drank and ate some more. And I cry … ALOT! So you can see, no sense of any healthy life. But it’s ok. I see it. I recognize it and I’m changing it.

So here we are. My two kiddos at home, seem to be back in order and working hard to attain goals and dreams. And man they are working! They are motivating. They want something and they are getting after it. So why not the same for me? I need to put in work and hit goals too!

I’ve been back to CrossFit for 3 weeks now, this is after my 10 week hiatus. And yes everything hurts. And yes it sucks being almost back to square one, but I have no choice. I just have to do. But I still wasn’t eating great. Better. But not great. So I asked one of our box coaches for some accountability help and he’s going to help 🙂

I just need to log all my food and check in with him weekly. This has already helped deter me from getting junky foods and booze. Because I don’t want to have to write it down. So yay for that. I know what I need to do for food, I just don’t wanna! Chick-fil-a drive thru is so much easier! But one day down of logging food and I feel positive. Hehe, and now it’s day 2. It’s early yet. And I’m a year behind from where I wanted to be. But it’s part of it. I need to find my healthy balance of life and work and fun.

Short of writing a novel, I’ll stop here. I never run out of things to write or say. I just don’t have the time. Baseball is life in our house and we are always on the go.

I hope you stick with me on this new journey. I need to blog daily, which probably won’t happen but maybe, at least, hopefully… weekly and not disappear for months at a time. Chime in if you too are making changes. It’s easier when you have friends that are on a similar path. So yes, I’m being selfish, I need y’all!